Ordinary Extraordinary Prince

This is the view from my bed at 1.10 in the morning as I am typing this. Prince Cheah fast asleep in his basket with his bed-time teddys, blanket and stuff. A fine watch dog he is. Needs his beauty sleep!

Nowadays he does not want to sleep on the bed anymore. His Mummy is not there.

Speaking Up In The Interest Of The Nation

Dato' Seri Yuen Yuet Leng is an Old Boy of King Edward VII School Taiping; also my alma mater.

I am pleased to post his commentary which appeared in The Sun paper today (27th September, 2007) and I applaud him for his obvious sincerity and concern for our country.

Speaking up in the national interest
Comment by Yuen Yuet Leng

AS an optimist I have often wondered whether better national enlightenment would come in my lifetime, and I trusted that it would. On this premise I did not emigrate as some did after May 13, 1969 and again in 1984 on retirement from the police force when the Inspector-General of Police assisted in making arrangements for me to move to a friendly country as the threat of assassination by communist terrorists continued to exist. However, I finally stayed back in Malaysia to face the problem and did not accept the offer of a bodyguard to ensure my safety.

During the last three decades the Chinese in me worried as negative traits arose progressively in national affairs with both the aggressive but legitimate, and the deviant implementation of the New Economic Policy (NEP). The Malay in me understood the need for economic parity and social justice for the Malay community through the NEP because of historical ethnic and cultural differences and the contradictions posed by the strengths and weaknesses of each of our major races. The relatively less fortunate Indian in me felt he should also not be forgotten.

I even accepted that some overall surgery in the form of national restructuring was necessary for an extended period of time as a pragmatic means of fostering national unity. But this could not be continued indefinitely in the manner in which it was being professed, as a privilege turned sacred right, especially not in distorted configurations and in ways which have impacted adversely on every community in the nation. This could be seen to only benefit substantially a master group of elites in power, even though great economic and social developments had been achieved by the nation.

Over the years, I had experienced many conflicting emotions over these developments, which sprung from my conviction that a well-developed, multiracial and varied identity was an intuitive basis for our social balance. This belief was my strength and yet my weighty burden during my service in the police force. In particular, it was the advantage that I had been tutored in and served as a distinctive qualification which ensured my success in the Special Branch during the most critical decades when the protection of national security was a paramount concern and national development was our singular goal.

At times I was an enigma to some as I seemed “devious” to them in certain situations concerning race, religion and other denominators because my thinking represented not just one race or religion but every one of them and the totality of them. I was not afraid to cry “more” or “enough is enough” in all honesty in each of these situations, always being focused on the over-riding national interest.

I believed, trusted and was guided by the tenets and spirit of our Constitution as it was meant to ensure justice for all and not to be read as the subjective interpretations for a single community that tended to be propagated and were selfishly contrived for narrow and distorted goals. These views only serve to unite the race but disunite the nation, and if left unchecked, will eventually destroy the self, race and nation.

I understood the ongoing NEP process involving the correction of economic imbalances through measures aimed at stimulating a bumiputra racial, economic and social resurgence as these conformed to the notion of justice that addressed the needs of the three main races. I knew that it was not possible to be equally fair to all, and it was not possible to be fair to any one community in particular – at least not all the time and not in a categorically personal or racial manner.

I had over the years been asked why I worked with such great obsession and dedication and risked my life in service. Very simply, it was because I believed in what I was doing and for national values which do not die but for which I was prepared to die, as so many of my generation of all races had died.

I had also been asked why I accepted the post of Chief Police Officer, Perak after the assassination in 1975 of Tan Sri Koo Chong Kong, a patriot who gave his best and his life for the nation. It was suggested I was not the most senior Chinese police officer eligible for the post. I accepted the job with full cognizance of the communal dimension of the task ahead. But I was confident I would cope and, through exemplary personal leadership by word, deed and integrity, could provide the inspiration for victory, even in death.

Fully aware of my personal dangers, my family had been told I might, and accepted that I could, also be assassinated like Koo. Particularly close colleagues and intimate friends like JPC Basri, D/Cpl Choo Chan, ASP Johnny Mustaffa, D/Sgt Chung Kek Onn, DSP Wong Lim Hon, Tan Sri Rahman Hashim and ASP Zabri were in the same situation.

I did not wish to see more Chinese or officers of any other race die. With my service and security background I felt I had a better chance to survive than any. Between 1973 and 1980, discounting the first Emergency years, I had survived seven attempts to assassinate me. As Chin Peng told a common contact, I had spent most of my life looking for communists and the rest of it avoiding assassination.

It is also very important that I accepted the job of Perak CPO in 1975 not because it was proposed by the IGP but more because Tun Hanif Omar was IGP. I sensed, saw and respected what was in that man. Today, Hanif is still the same man and continues to feel happy or sad and very disturbed for the force he once led with such distinction, valor and integrity.

He was supported at the time by a multiracial breed of policemen and officers who performed their duty for nation, regardless of the dangers, more often than not, at the expense of their families who had no choice but to also come out in full support. Hanif still remembers everything, especially those who died so loyally and undauntedly under his leadership. So does his surviving team of collaborators in defense of the nation.

An apolitical and professional police force, like other “independent” service organizations, has to survive on its structured apparatus, management and administration.

The Royal Malaysian Police (PDRM) developed this capability and capacity from a relatively insufficiently tutored and experienced beginning in turbulent times during and after the war and during the Emergency. But we were generally all committed in varying degrees with focus and appreciable loyalty.

There was, of course, also corruption and malpractice in those days but not in the defining and serious degree that is now perceived in national affairs, governance and politics that now threatens to destroy the nation that had over the years achieved so much progress.

Hanif, true to himself, his character and still pulsating police professionalism has now together with the enlightened leader Tun Musa Hitam, the former deputy prime minister, and emerging broad-minded younger leaders for tomorrow like Perak Raja Muda Raja Nazrin Shah and Selangor’s ruler are coming out courageously to state their views for what they feel must be a multiracial, more balanced and less corrupt Malaysia. It is also comforting that another former IGP, Tan Sri Rahim Noor has also in recent weeks (whatever his unfortunate once single temporal lapse personally, is still an apolitical policeman at heart) pointedly stated that a Malaysian does not need to survive with any ethnic appendage or antecedence.

We need more former policemen and servicemen to come forward to reflect this defining posture so that the nation may recover its integrity and more politicians and civil administrators may play their part in genuine service to the nation. They should make their voices heard in the greater interest of the nation and not make honest and sincere leadership at and around the top relatively so lonely.

The time has come for honest reflection on both sides of the political and racial divide.

What do we honestly want of this nation of ours called Malaysia?

In 1978 I struggled to defend and protect the Jalur Gemilang for King and country. I bled inside for the nation with the contradictions and divergence that emerged as the NEP was being implemented and which had actually been planned for the whole nation. I worried for the future of the nation I believed in and trusted that our national leaders would progressively act in the greater overall interest of all communities and not concede to and abet the bigoted interests of any race, religion or creed.

I believed that enlightenment would come and I performed my job as a Chief Police Officer in Perak apolitically, honestly and at times firmly and tactfully even in the face of occasional pressures from the local political leadership who, I could understand, was pushed by untutored partisan politics from below. Pressures and frustrations that I felt, I kept mostly to myself and at times confided in my IGP.

In October 1978 I wrote my growing anxieties in my occasional personal diary:

“The present growing tendency, in the absence of a more powerful uniting force capable of providing common aspirations to all, is producing conflicting and constantly varying values which can only add to the social and psychological confusion in the minds of our people. The time has come when our leaders who are strong, must find the courage to come out in the open, speak their minds and do what is fair in terms of the nation as a whole and not in terms of only one race, community, group or individual. The absence of this, or the continued delay or inability to do this, is one of the main root causes for the increasing indifference or excesses of our youth and deviant religious, social and criminal or narrow political activity.

“We are in danger of developing a nation of grabbers and takers in the name of everything else but the truth. In short, we have lost the understanding and spirit of compromise which won us our Independence and which we thought could replace British power and authority and provide fair and good government to our people. Today, we have made materialistic advancement. But this has been achieved not in the spirit at the time of Independence but in in-fighting unexpressed, in resentment and hatred never fully expressed and, which continues to build up and is remembered in the minds of our growing generations. This can only lead to further disintegration of values and national unity. A more equitable solution must be found before it is too late and before the last Spartan and true Malaysian gives up and lays down his arms to die with tears for the future of his country when he would be most willing to die happily for his nation and for values which do not die.”

(Thirty years on, in 2007, our predicament still awaits a solution. The incumbent government must come out in open support at every level if it desires to remain relevant to the rakyat.)

Several weeks ago I was appalled that an incumbent police officer at Bukit Aman had written an article in the Utusan Malaysia challenging Hanif about what he had done during his tenure of service in respect of corruption. Hanif had replied suitably. I am astounded at the obvious lack of professional and historical depth of this, I believe, police PR officer who does not appear to have absorbed enough on past leaders and their work in the force, about how these officers had worked and most importantly, what they stood for in terms of the nation and positive nation-building.

I shall just say Hanif was also intensely committed in leading the most important and critical service of the nation during the revived CPM onslaught on the nation after the unfortunate May 13 crises and which we call the second (communist) Emergency. If the PDRM, in particular the Special Branch, had failed or faltered, Malaysian history would have been rewritten. This is with no discredit to the multiracial, multi-service, multi-committee and important “hearts and minds” that underlined the government’s efforts. Now some untutored politicians in Parliament had also asked Hanif what he had done in his time.

I say again he was very deeply leading the vital police force to contain communist terrorist aggression so that a more rational and integrated nation will emerge so that even the terrorists would realize and cooperate in the future for a decent livelihood and society for all. This was from 1974 to 1989 – a period of 15 years – of his 20 years as IGP.

The past may seem obsolete or irrelevant in the diverging realities of the developed present of individualism, materialism, religion and race. To a certain extent, some of our past dreams of total and purist equalities may have to be irrelevant at least for the present until all communities develop a fresh awakening led by “reborn” politicians who really care for nation and not just community or race.

However, certain basic values of the past and values on which the nation survived our critical Emergency years, our pre- and post-Independence years, will never be irrelevant and must be made relevant again, away from the racism, extremism or deviations, and the corruption that have crept into Malaysian society in the wake of the great economic, social and technological strides we have made. That has indeed been the positive side of incumbent government and its relatively better applications of politics in earlier years.

However, in its programme to create the necessary better parity for a disparaged community, deviant applications or implementation have created a permeating psychology that race is the reason rightly or wrongly, legally or illegally, regularly or irregularly, and not need and equivocal parity as government policy was meant to be. A new national security problem is being created by our own hand evolving around race, class and religion. Some politicians are insufficiently restrained as they enjoy the fruits of political dominance and opportunity in the name of race which is more a subterfuge for greater self-advancement. This is the reason and the incentive that many have become politicians. This is the reason why some younger and better politicians with nobler visions and intentions have also joined politics, hoping they can rectify things. Can they really make headway from within before they are seduced away by politics of majority decadent power and dominance within?

Our top political leadership is endeavoring to set a new direction in politics, governance and administration. Incumbent politicians face genuine problems within. They need positive independent support from outside.

We had the institutions in the police, ACA, the Judiciary and less dishonest civil servants. The new national balance and image must come from the statutory independence that must be born or seen again in these services.

The Independent Police Complaints and Misconduct Commission (IPCMC) has to be implemented to support the IGP within the police. Hopefully, the new draft will include the IGP as a member in the commission and not in attendance as and when required. It is not the post of IGP that may be doubted but the man who is the IGP and if we cannot find a man honest enough to be the IGP something is really very wrong with the nation.

Prejudice must have its limits. If necessary, even a man with some minor blemish in the past but with greater compensatory qualities could make a good IGP. From my experience, even former high-level communists who saw the correctness of our national visions and mission at the time had joined us and risen high in national service through the Special Branch. Basically it is the sincerity in the man that matters.

The IPCMC, as I saw it last, does not allow the inclusion of any former police officer or anyone with links to the force. This pre-supposes that there has never been an honest policeman. Yet any other professional can be. This is preposterous.

We have to admit there is decadence embedded in our society across the board. This will destroy us from within rather than the enemy from the outside. We are our own enemy and destructor. Honest cries and views, some very loud and pointed, have emerged from a growing number who sincerely wish to warn and deflect us from a nationally suicidal course.

They should not be misrepresented as harmful to national unity and goodwill.

The bogey of a political opposition is less convincing in the present which only needs more courageous corrective action and political will. However, the Opposition must realise that the recent episode involving the burning of our national flag is not acceptable, whatever the grouses. You have elements, party or otherwise, who are in the same category as those who commit the excesses that the incumbent government is being accused of. Nobility of vision is always stronger when outside the portals of opportunity.

The nation has to be seen in values that are common and exemplified by leaders who are brave enough to state these values openly.

A nation’s integrity cannot be sustained by only a few leaders at the top. It has to be openly declared and sustained by all politicians and especially by more levels of leadership in government and organization.

The real substance of nation and patriotism lie in the Federal Constitution and the Rukun Negara and every government official should declare on oath on assumption of office that they fully understand the tenets of these documents which provide for the correction of imbalances, irrespective of race, and the just protection of the rights of the indigenous people without prejudice to the other communities. The keywords are transparency, integrity and accountability.

Datuk Seri Yuen Yuet Leng served in the Special Branch and was Perak CPO.

The Second Birthday Celebration After Mummy's Farewell

It was godson, Saiful's 22nd birthday on the 21st of September and it was celebrated in true Mummy fashion with birthday cake, dinner and "ang pow" for good fortune.

Bought Saiful his birthday dinner at Chilis One Utama last night.

This was the second celebration after Mummy left this earth and wherever she is now, she will know that her lessons are not forgotten, her loved ones continue to be close and celebrate life, and the love for her is never diminished. She is always with us wherever we are.

Continuing in the "cup cake" style birthday cake she started for Mummy's 48th birthday, Krystyn arranged for slices of cake to the preference of each person present. Looks like the days of the big birthday cakes are over......

Whose was the first birthday celebration after Mummy's farewell? Who else could it be but HRH Prince Cheah on the 27th of July!!

Retrospection: Personal Encounters With Death (3); June 1986. A Youngest Daughter's Consternation.

I really did not know my mother-in-law very well. No let me rephrase; my mother-in-law did not really know me very well. We were like "a chicken and a duck"; I could not speak Cantonese well and she could understand nothing else. However, I hoped she believed that my intentions for Jeannie had always been honourable and sincere. In the year or so that I knew her she was a kindly woman that gave me the impression that she was melancholic. Well, maybe I was wrong or maybe it was because of the stories Jeannie told me about the hard life her mother endured.

She passed away sometime in June 1986 when Jeannie was about 4 months pregnant with Krystyn. On that day, Jeannie was with her in OUG where she stayed with Jeannie's youngest brother, Benny. I was at the office that afternoon when Jeannie phoned me that her mother told me to go over for dinner and that she had put some soup to boil. About 30 minutes later, Jeannie phoned me again sounding frantic; her mother had collapsed in the bathroom! I told her not to panic and to do what she could as I was rushing over immediately. It took me about 25 minutes to get from Bangsar to OUG.

When I got there, my mother-in-law had already passed away. Jeannie had somehow managed to drag her to the bedroom and lay her on the floor with her head propped on a pillow. She would have been too heavy for Jeannie to heave her onto her bed alone. Jeannie was inconsolable. The neighbours had called a doctor from a nearby clinic and I think he had arrived minutes before or after me. My memory is hazy. The doctor pronounced her dead.

My main concern and priority was Jeannie as she was pregnant and very, very emotionally attached to her mother. I knew that her brothers and other family members would know what to do about the funeral and I was not about to interfere with any decisions that were about to be made. My first thoughts were that I had to watch over Jeannie and if she had any stand she wanted to make on any issue that met resistence (since she was the youngest in the family) I would support her. Other than that I was mainly an observer in the proceedings that unfolded and volunteered mainly logistic support.

The preceding week had been very rough on Jeannie. She had brought her mother to a gynaecologist for a bleeding complaint and it had been diagnosed as cervical cancer. Jeannie had decided with Benny that it was superfluous to tell their uneducated mother for the time being and instead let her undergo radiotherapy as recommended by the oncologist. Her mother also had a heart condition and it was deemed that her heart may not survive chemotherapy. The radiotherapy was to take place the following fortnight. That was the reason why Jeannie was with her mother almost daily to ensure she ate right and be "fortified". Why her heart gave in at the time it did remains a closed book but the fact remained that she died in Jeannie's arms.

Jeannie's mother had always shared so much of what was in her heart with Jeannie; her opinions, her wishes, her feelings, her frustrations, her thoughts, and indeed reasons for her apathy towards certain people including some of her own children. It was even more so after Jeannie had moved back to KL from Malacca the previous year. Unfortunately, Jeannie was also undergoing major changes in her own life at the time (not least because I was in the picture) and to her consternation she could not devote more time for her mother eventhough she was back in KL.

There were many family matters that were privy between mother and daughter (Jeannie naturally told me most things although we had decided that I would not stick my nose into the Koo family affairs). Things that Jeannie even brought to her own grave.


One such matter which I will reveal now is that Jeannie convinced her mother months earlier to do a will and bequeath all her property to Benny who was the one taking care of her mother during the preceding few years. The good intention was to prevent a sibling war over their mother's portion of the estate left behind by their father who died intestate. There were also some properties in the mother's name. It was deemed that Benny was level-headed enough to do the right thing in the eventuality. Whether he finally did or not, only his own conscience would know. He did however pay a big portion of his mother's funeral expenses. But then again, this was probably because his brothers felt he should justifiably do so. Jeannie for her part insisted on only having the pair of simple ear-rings her mother was wearing at the time she died and two suits of her clothes. Those earings have been given to Krystyn today.

Did my mother-in-law accept this son-in-law of hers? Maybe the following true story says something:

My MIL passed away during the 1986 Fifa World Cup held in Mexico. According to some Chinese beliefs and traditions, after the demise of a person there are certain dates to observe certain prayers and offerings. These dates usually coincided with multiples of seven days after the death. Since Jeannie was not working at the time she volunteered to look after her mother's alter for at least the first month. That was how both of us ended up staying at Benny's place and sleeping in Jeannie's mother's room for a month after her funeral.

England played Argentina in the quarter-final and that was the game Diego Maradona scored the now infamous "Hand of God" goal. Because the competition was in Mexico, the games were played/telecasted at 3.45 am Malaysian time. I tried to stay up for the game but was too tired and distinctly remember turning off the TV and lights at about 2.00 am with Jeannie fast asleep beside me. The next thing I knew, I was awakened by the sound of the TV in a still darkened room and as I opened my eyes, Diego Maradona just within his own half received a pass from Jorge Burruchaga (some say it was Hector Enrique).

He then began jinking his way past six Englnd players before scoring what is now called the "Goal of the Century" or "The Greatest Goal in FIFA World Cup History"! That was in the 54th minute of the game and the TV also showed a replay of Maradona's despicable "hand ball" goal scored just three minutes earlier. Did my MIL turn on the TV and then wake me up just in time to watch the "Goal of the Century" being scored?

Well, only Jeannie and I knew.

RWC - Tonga beats Samoa

So much for my predictions in Group A. Tonga has just done England a huge favor by beating Samoa 19 - 15 last night. To me it was an upset.

If England does go through to the quarter-finals, it will be the Wallabies waiting for them. A chance for Australia to avenge the 2003 Final loss by thrashing England perhaps.

The Harmony Silk Factory by Tash Aw

I just finished this first-effort novel by Tash Aw and ruminating on the story. Actually not so much the storyline but the way the story was presented.

It was in the form of narration by three people and the interesting thing is that all three give their own account which differs because they narrate from their own perspective.

The Harmony Silk Factory is a story set mainly in the Kinta Valley and Dindings District from 1920 to the mid 90s. Coincidentally, I was in Taiping over the weekend when I finished the book and the drive to Taiping from KL passed through many of the geographical areas/features described in the book.

Tash Aw was born in Taiwan to Malaysian parents, he grew up in Kuala Lumpur before moving to England in his teens. He studied law at Cambridge and Warwick and then moved to London to write. After graduating he worked at a number of jobs, including as a lawyer for four years whilst writing his debut novel, which he completed during the creative writing course at the University of East Anglia, alma mater of writers such as Kazuo Ishiguro of The Remains of the Day. Indeed his writing style is reminiscence of Ishiguro.

The novel won the 2005 Whitbread Book Awards First Novel Award as well as the 2005 Commonwealth Writers Prize for Best First Novel (Asia Pacific region). But did I enjoy the book? Well it took me 2 weeks to read so it was not exactly "unputdownable" to me!

There were quotable parts which may sound glib but need introspection to make sense of like:


"We humans have a remarkable capacity to disguise emotions.

We suppress feelings, we force ourselves to forget things until, finally, we truly believe those things never existed.

Its how we survive isn't it?"

"What about death?"

"You mean: would I forget a person once he's passed on?"

"Exactly. Their face - their image -would stay with you, of course. You'd remember how they looked. The details may become vague, but you'd still remember. Just like a photograph. In your mind's eye, you'd be able to recreate all their habits - the way they slept, how they ate: everything. But would you remember how you felt about them? And how they felt about you?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Nor would I. Death, I believe, erases everything. It erases all traces of the life that once existed, completely and for ever. Of course we help it in its task - we're the ones who do the forgetting"

Well, maybe but.....................

In the final analysis, I think Tash Aw has potential but I believe this young man needs to gather more "experience" in order to be more emphatic in his writing. The book was certainly not worth the RM40.00 I paid for it; worth a read out of curiosity but only if it was borrowed.

Retrospection: Personal Encounters With Death (2); 15/10/85. An Eldest Son's Consternation.

My father passed away on 15th October, 1985. He was 54 years young and it was probably due to a massive stroke or heart attack. It was superfluous to find out anyway; it was not as if knowing the cause of death would bring him back. I had lost my best friend.

I can still remember that day so clearly. Jeannie and I had lunch with him and he seemed O.K. After lunch, Jeannie went to settle matters with Avon Cosmetics as she had tendered her resignation a few days earlier. I went back to my office in Bangsar and had hardly got through the door when my uncle phoned to say my father had collapsed and was being rushed to Pantai Hospital. By the time I arrived at the A&E in Pantai he had already passed away. That lunch had become a farewell.

I was 26 years old and still trying to find my feet. Two weeks earlier I was drinking with him at a pub and we were discussing family issues that seemed so compelling then. I remember he was not a happy man at the time; frustrated that his life seemed a dead end street. Some of his children were being exactly as he did not want them to be. His eldest son (me) had just started out in the general insurance industry and seemingly was not about to fly high anytime soon enough. I remember saying to him, "Papa, please give me time" as if in promise that I will soon come to my own and ease things for him; not knowing 2 weeks was all that was left.

By October 1985, I had known Jeannie for more than 6 months and we were already very close. I do not think my parents were ever prepared for a Jeannie! To them, their son was still this small town boy in a big bad city. They were probably expecting me to bring home a girl instead of a woman! And Jeannie was a woman in every sense of the word! She was mature, confident, outspoken and she wasn't born yesterday. Though she did not drink, she smoked and could carry a conversation with the best of them. My parents were apprehensive that she seemed to have so many friends who were men! They missed the trees for the woods and overlooked that she was basically very grounded in traditional Chinese values. I suspect that in their private conversations they must have been worried that their son would be "drowned" in a relationship with a Jeannie! Afterall, she was my first serious relationship that they knew of and in fact she was.

My father had no problems with proudly introducing Jeannie as Keat's girlfriend and indeed they got along very well; he considered Jeannie more as a friend rather than potential daughter-in-law. He used to nick her cigarettes and felt comfortable enough with her to rummage through her handbag for them. They shared a lot of laughs. He even told her she was safe because "Keat thinks anything more than a mouthful is a waste!", referring to the obvious part of the female anatomy. But I think in his heart of hearts, he was not at ease. In character with his often terse disposition, one of his one-liners to Jeannie was, "Try not to bully Keat" and I think that reflected more of what he thought of me than of Jeannie.

The above was the backdrop when my father passed away. His death was the first time I had to face the passing of someone so close to me let alone someone who had been the anchor in my life. The previous experience was when my German Shepard died in my arms after being poisoned and it was only a pet.

I was devastated not so much for having lost my father but more for no longer being able to do all the things I wanted to do for him. That was my consternation and my biggest consolation was that I had Jeannie with me and the emotional support she provided eased much of my pain.

Of all the things in life that we take for granted, the greatest irony must be that death is one of them. Ours was a family that was irreligious sometimes to the point of irreverence. For a Chinese family, we never had an altar at home and though we observed some of the major festivals it was more out of tradition and filial piety rather than religious practice. My father was an athiest but that did not mean he was frivolous about values. He concertedly preached his own brand of morality based mainly on humanist ideals. One of the values he advocated was fair play and tried to instill that sense in his children. He felt that the sense of fair play would keep us on even keel and that it would take care of much of the rest.

However, the thing about that sort of upbringing meant that when my father died suddenly, we (including my mother) were at a lost as to what to do with his body! We could not jolly well just put him in a casket and stick him in the ground! There were no professional undertakers like NV Multi Corporation then and one could imagine the incertitude.

That was why my mother turned to Jeannie and my then brother-in-law, Phang Wai Yeen. Looking back, Jeannie did not have much choice in the matter and to appreciate the magnitude of her beneficence, one had to first look at her very Cantonese upbringing. It is considered taboo for one who is not a part of the immediate family to participate so intimately in funeral rites; the superstition is that it would bring about bad joss for ones own family. Regardless of whether this was common belief, the fact remained that Jeannie was brought up believing. She sought the advice of her mother who told her to go with what her heart told her.

That was how within hours, funeral arrangements for my father were organized by Jeannie who was only my girlfriend and Wai Yeen who was then still married to my eldest sister; both so-called "external" parties. As a Chinese this admission does not make me proud; I have had to live down this shame ever since!

Jeannie as my wife later would not risk history repeating. Her concerted efforts with our children pertaining to the basic Chinese value of "family surname" and J.J. being the future "flag-bearer" has been vindicated. In fact, Jeannie was the reason why we own the domain name "cheahs.com" and her constant drumming to me that she will die a "Cheah" underlined her strong conviction to things "family"! To me, Jeannie was more a Cheah than all my siblings and shame on them! This is one of her legacies that is ingrained in our children.

Though my father had no religious nor spiritual beliefs, the over-riding concern was to at least have some form of rites to mark his farewell. Actions carried out with the best of intentions like having a Buddhist group chant prayers meant to elevate a departing soul, avoiding certain superstitious acts, having proper modes for people to pay their last respects, etc. were the guiding considerations.

Jeannie was the only one with a semblance of any experience in such matters since her own father had passed on a few years before. Of course the major decision to cremate was my mother's to make and Jeannie organized things accordingly. She had to make certain judgement calls with the support of Wai Yeen on matters that none of us could even think of, let alone have any preference about. One such decision made with the best of intentions, was to not have my mother witness the actual cremation. This did not go down well with my sibling/s who took the opportunity to latch on to an issue to snipe, rant and rave about. I am still disgusted today that many who stood by haplessly and unable to contribute much positive inputs, would choose to later criticize and harp on every little contentious issue.

These were people who almost managed to put up an obituary in the papers with the message, "To all my friends, the next time we meet the drinks are on me!" before I forced NST to withdraw it under threat of legal action. That obituary would have tarnished the memory of my father and branded him as nothing more than a drunk. If that was what my father amounted to in their own memories, it was up to them. To me he was a giant of a man; period!

In the end, things that were done with love became twisted by the warped small minds of certain spiteful individuals with their own insidious agenda. The seeds of discord had been sowed that would grow into a wedge between Jeannie and the rest of my family. This would haunt our relationship together even long after we were married.

There is no doubt in my mind that if my father had lived another 10 years, he would have got on famously with Jeannie. She would have endeared herself to him as he had to her from day one. He always had a special place in her heart. I am also sure he would have enriched the lives of his grand children, Krystyn and J.J. through the creation of fond memories. Instead, at the time of his passing he was probably still apprehensive about Jeannie mainly out of misguided concern for me. The unkindest cut would have been that he probably mentioned so to my mother; planting the prejudice that shaped future sentiments and events. C'est la vie.

The Webb Ellis Trophy - RWC 2007

Who will lift the Webb Ellis Trophy in 2007? After the first games have been played it is deja vu 2003! Southern Hemisphere teams rule!!

Three semi finalists are virtually certain to be the New Zealand All Blacks, the Australian Wallabies and the South African Springboks. The rest seem to be making up the numbers and this time around England is a shadow of their victorious 2003 team. Host nation France having shockingly lost its opening game to the Argentinian Pumas will probably not top Group D and may end up meeting the All Blacks in the quarter finals. That should be the end of the Froggies.

If France can somehow manage to top the group by beating the Irish and if the Pumas falter, it would probably have Scotland in the quarters. They should then qualify for the Semis.

What a semi-final round it would be! Probably Boks vs Wallabies and All Blacks vs France. Judging by their first game the reigning champion England will be going home early. I think it will be a Wallabies vs All Blacks Final.

Standard of play so far? Too early to say...it is powerhouses vs minnows for now. I think the Western Samoans are still the team to watch. They may have lost badly to the Boks last night but judging from the 1st 20 minutes they are a solid team. They probably packed it in after Bryan Habana's tries so that they will be ready for England; that is their real target! Tonga and USA in the same group will be easy meat for the Samoans. In comparison, the Fijians do not pack enough power in the forwards to match the other "second tier" teams.

I Dream Of Jeannie: A Lover's Call

Something happened last night. I dreamt of Jeannie for the first time since she passed away 2 months ago. It was a good dream, an intimate dream; it was reliving certain loving moments we shared numerous times before.

Then this morning the number 27 (Jeannie's favorite number) appeared in my life again. I was reading Nuraina A. Samad's blog and came across this Kahlil Gibran (our favorite poet and philosopher) poem, "A Lover's Call" that I felt describes Jeannie and I so well. Upon further net-search, I discovered that the poem was Chapter 27 of Kahlil Gibran's book of poems, "A Tear And A Smile"!!

A message My Angel sent me? Please read.


A Lover's Call

Where are you, my beloved? Are you in that little paradise, watering the flowers who look upon you as infants look upon the breast of their mothers?

Or are you in your chamber where the shrine of virtue has been placed in your honour, and upon which you offer my heart and soul as sacrifice?

Or amongst the books, seeking human knowledge, while you are replete with heavenly wisdom?

Oh companion of my soul, where are you? Are you praying in the temple? Or calling Nature in the field, haven of your dreams?

Are you in the huts of the poor, consoling the broken-hearted with the sweetness of your soul, and filling their hands with your bounty?

You are God's spirit everywhere; you are stronger than the ages.

Do you have memory of the day we met, when the halo of your spirit surrounded us, and the Angels of Love floated about, singing the praise of the soul's deed?

Do you recollect our sitting in the shade of the branches, sheltering ourselves from humanity, as the ribs protect the divine secret of the heart from injury?

Remember you the trails and forest we walked, with hands joined, and our heads leaning against each other, as if we were hiding ourselves within ourselves?

Recall you the hour I bade you farewell, and the maritime kiss you placed on my lips? That kiss taught me that joining of lips in love reveals heavenly secrets which the tongue cannot utter!

That kiss was introduction to a great sigh, like the Almighty's breath that turned earth into man.

That sigh led my way into the spiritual world announcing the glory of my soul; and there it shall perpetuate until again we meet.

I remember when you kissed me and kissed me, with tears coursing your cheeks, and you said, "earthly bodies must often separate for earthly purpose, and must live apart impelled by worldly intent. "

But the spirit remains joined safely in the hands of love, until death arrives and takes joined souls to God.

"Go, my beloved; love has chosen you her delegate; over her, for she is beauty who offers to her follower the cup of the sweetness of life. as for my own empty arms, your love shall remain my comforting groom; your memory, my eternal wedding."

Where are you now, my other self? Are you awake in the silence of the night? Let the clean breeze convey to you my heart's every beat and affection.

Are you fondling my face in your memory? That image is no longer my own, for sorrow has dropped his shadow on my happy countenance of the past.

Sobs have withered my eyes which reflected your beauty and dried my lips which you sweetened with kisses.

Where are you, my beloved? Do you hear my weeping from beyond the ocean? Do you understand my need? Do you know the greatness of my patience?

Is there any spirit in the air capable of conveying to you the breath of this dying youth? Is there any secret communication between angels that will carry to you my complaint?

Where are you, my beautiful star? The obscurity of life has cast me upon its bosom; sorrow has conquered me.

Sail your smile into the air; it will reach and enliven me! breathe your fragrance into the air; it will sustain me!

Where are you, me beloved?

Oh, how great is Love!

And how little am I!

...........Kahlil Gibran (Chapter 27, A Tear And A Smile)

Liverpool On Top!!

Liverpool FC is on song! Top of the English Premier League table for the first time in 5 years. Could this be the beginning of the kind of consistency that will bring the Premier League title to Anfield? The picture would have been better if referee Rob Styles had not given that contentious penalty which allowed Chelsea the 1-1 draw!

Anyway, this year the squad has the depth to mount a serious challenge for the league. Being a Liverpool FC fan since 1969, I have witnessed the glory days of the club in the 70s and 80s when most so-called Liverpool fans in Malaysia today were hardly old enough to kick a soccer ball! I am from the Tommy Smith, Emlyn Hughes, Ian Callaghan, Roger Hunt, Ian St John, Chris Lawler, etc. Bill Shankly era just before the Ray Clemence, Steve Heighway, Larry Lloyd, John Toshack, Kevin Keegan, Phil Neal, Phil Thompson, Ray Kennedy, etc. days under Bob Paisley.

Ray Clemence was my idol when I played goalkeeper for Perak schools in 1976! Those days, football fans actually played football unlike now when everyone seems to be a pundit but hardly ever touched a football let alone kick one.

Many Malaysian Liverpool fans only know of Kenny Dalglish in his later years as player and manager and not as the young replacement for Kevin Keegan who had left for Hamburg SV. Not many remember Liverpool's pedigree in Europe really only began after winning the UEFA Cup by beating the Gunter Netzer powered Borussia Monchengladback 3-2 on aggregate in 1973. "King" Kenny cost only £500,000 from Glasgow Celtic in 1977 and you cannot even buy a reserve player for that price today. Steven Gerrard earns that in a month!

The decade of the 80s was undoubtedly the greatest era for Liverpool FC although before the 2005 Champions League victory (and the 2006 Final) Liverpool's last dominance in Europe ended two decades earlier in 1985 with the 0-1 loss to Juventus at Heysel Stadium that also saw the crowd stampede tragedy.

English clubs were subsequently banned from Europe for 5 years. Essentially the same squad continued to dominate the English League under Kenny Dalglish as manager until 1989-90 and the death knell was sounded when Graeme Souness replaced Dalglish in 1991.

Now more than one and a half decades later, are we witnessing a REAL resurgence? Only time will tell. This is the first time after so many years a die hard fan like me can see a flicker of that Liverpool "swagger" in the team play. The confidence will grow with each good result and this time around there is cover for most positions so injuries will not critically affect the shape of the team. More importantly, they are again scoring goals almost at will. Hopefully I can recover some of the betting losses over these last few years!!

You Will Never Walk Alone!

RUGBY WORLD CUP (RWC) Time Again!!

Its RWC time again and the tournament drop kicks off on the 7th of September (Final on 20th October) at the Stade de France in Saint Dennis. EPL? What EPL??

After disappointing rugby fans in Malaysia two months ago by not carrying the Tri-Nations live, Astro is redeeming itself. The RWC will be shown on two channels, ESPN and StarSports and as expected some of the games will be delayed telecasts on the same day. The following is the tentative schedule for September courtesy of a chum in Astro:

Bangsa Malaysia Merdeka Get Together @ Bloghouse

Pix courtesy of TV Smith

Last evening I attended the above gathering at Bloghouse, located in Damansara Heights. Bloghouse is the clubhouse of the recently formed National Alliance of Bloggers (All-Blogs) which was belatedly set up after bloggers Ahirudin “Rocky’s Bru” Atan and Jeff Ooi (Screenshots) were sued by the NST for defamation.

As an association where membership is not only limited to socio-political bloggers, All-Blogs was set up in advocacy of item 7 of the MSC Bill of Guarantees; no internet censorship. Membership is open to all bloggers. The idea of Bloghouse was to give All-Blogs a physical home.

Although the get together yesterday was the initiative of lawyer cum blogger, Haris Ibrahim (People’s Parliament) it was supported by All-Blogs which was also officially launching Bloghouse on the same day.

A forum/workshop, “Bangsa Malaysia: The Way Forward” which started at 5.00 pm preceded the gathering and I was among the 30 or so invited. Initially, I felt out of place and was wondering what the hell I was doing there until I met another orang Taiping; georgy porgy Bernard Khoo (Zorro Unmasked), the oldest blogger there (born 1940) was one of the scheduled speakers.

Although there was an itinerary, the function was by and large devoid of formalities. After the forum, I reckon there were finally more than 100 people at the gathering. It appeared to be a pot-luck arrangement by the organizers for the food and drinks but what surprised me was the fridge stocked with beer for all.

Overall, the ambience and conduct was reminiscence of a typical Taiping get-together. The multi-racial crowd was definitely a gathering of like minded individuals and I was tempted to think that this was going to be another “preaching to the choir” initiative that was going no where in no time. Many of those there seem to be familiar with each other and the camaraderie was clear.

As the forum/workshop progressed, it became apparent that this “bloggers united” cabal was serious about realizing their dream of a Bangsa Malaysia identity. This was an inaugural event and there are plans to have road shows in all major towns throughout the country. This was a ripple with an ambition to be a tsunami; influencing the social landscape and demography of the nation. The two objectives of the forum were to attempt to create an acceptable profile of Bangsa Malaysia and to discuss potential obstacles to the realization of the Bangsa Malaysia ideal.

The brainstorming session was a prelude to the formation of Haris Ibrahim’s proposed PELITAR (short for Penyayang Legasi dan Inspirasi Tunku Abdul Rahman) with its complementary constitution, mission statement, operational structures, etc. As the name suggests, the organization draws inspiration from Bapak Malaysia. PELITAR is targetted to be the formal identity of the Bangsa Malaysia movement to carry the aspiration to other parts of the country. While yesterday’s get together was more a fellowship session, concrete plans are in place for a wide scale awareness campaign which apart from road shows includes a new website and an e-group to aggregate feedback.

Also launched yesterday was "Project Irrelevant"; a campaign to encourage all Malaysians to state "irrelevant" if asked the "sex" and "religion" questions, and to answer "Bangsa Malaysia" to the question of "race" when filling in official forms. Quite an ingenious "mind-set" campaign actually.

The speakers for the day were retired teacher and now trainer/blogger Bernard Khoo (Zorro Unmasked), lawyer Dato’ Zaid Ibrahim (the vocal Barisan Member of Parliament for Kota Baru), journalist Ahirudin “Rocky’s Bru” Atan, lawyer/civil rights activist Malik Imtiaz Sarwar, Deputy Dean of MU Law Faculty, Associate Professor Dr Azmi Sharom and retired civil servant/statistician, Jayanath Appudurai.

Bernard spoke on the historical background of the nation post 1945 focusing on how all races suffered together during the process of nation building. He shared some of his personal experiences growing up in Taiping during the Japanese Occupation and during May 13, 1969.

Dato' Zaid Ibrahim emphasized the protection of the nation’s Constitution and to preserve the powers and integrity of the nation’s constitutional institutions like the judiciary; a check and balance needs to be maintained. There should not be any notions of dominance. He warned that the nation could be living on reserve tank.

Ahirudin Atan got 6 members of the floor to read national literary laureate, Dato’ Usman Awang’s unpublished 1949 love story about a group of young Malayans chasing the Bangsa Malaya dream. That underscored the fact that the “One Nation One People” aspiration existed even then.

Malik Imtiaz underlined the need for Malaysians to reclaim democracy that has been eroded over the last 25 years and decried the apathy amongst Malaysians towards even issues that affect their rights as citizens.

Azmi Sharom started out “reciting” the first four lines of the national anthem and observed that there was no mention of bangsa (only rakyat) in the Negara Ku. He also stressed that the education system needs to be revamped and that there are not enough suitable role models for the students. Azmi mentioned the existence of an elitist ruling class that has no qualms about leading the country to the boondocks. To paraphrase him: “the road that we are on as a nation is a road to ruination!”

To me, perhaps the speaker who was most enlightening was the unassuming Mr Jayanath Appudurai. His discourse was statistics based pragmatism and he showed that the road ahead for Bangsa Malaysia was long and arduous. Success which is not guaranteed may also be just a figment of the imagination.

One thing common to all was the call for an end to race based politics.

It being an informal forum, Haris Ibrahim moderated well enough under the circumstances.

The workshop to attempt a definition of Bangsa Malaysia was not surprisingly steered by some members of the floor to matters totally divergent. Perhaps it would have been expedient for the organizers to propose certain traits and then get members of the floor to give their inputs. Nevertheless, there were a few good suggestions even from the younger participants.

During the proceedings there was of course the “customary” visit by your friendly neighborhood mata-mata in their patrol cars but since the function was carried out within the compound of Bloghouse there was not any bone for them to pick.

Dinner was the usual Malaysian fare of satay, nasi lemak, fried chicken, kueh muih, fried noodles, etc., etc. There was more than enough food to go around and the nasi lemak was good.

For me, it was also an opportunity to put faces to many of the bloggers I only knew by their handles; there were "What a Lulu", "Desiderata", "MageP's Lab", "Walski-myAsylum", "Ancient Mariner", "Sang Kelembai", and many others. Marina Mahathir ("RantingsbyMM") and Nuraina Samad ("3540 Jalan Sudin") were also there.

The organizers had planned live video streaming from notable Malaysian bloggers overseas (M. Bakri Musa, etc) but were let down by malfunctioning equipment. All-Blogs pro-tem Secretary, Tony Yew played an exemplary role. All in all, I think the organizers did a very good job with the events of the day and more importantly, the fire in their bellies is burning fiercely. I am certain the ripple will at least make waves.

Haris Ibrahim deserves my respect for his courage of conviction and his boundless energy to fight for a cause that is sure to create reactions. My personal opinion to him was that denigrators to the Bangsa Malaysia concept were already objecting it was superfluous because we are already called “Malaysians”; my suggestion is that the credo, “One Nation, One People” should also include, “One Soul"

Bangsa Malaysia: “One Nation, One People, One Soul”

The night ended with the reciting of the Rukunegara and singing of Negara Ku with each attendee holding a lighted candle in the dark. A flicker of hope? Light at the end of a tunnel? Small lights overwhelmed by darkness perhaps? It is up to us to decide isn't it?

Life After Life? What Do You Want To Think?

My father was a headmaster of a school in Pengkalan Baru, near Pantai Remis for almost the whole decade of the 70s. We lived in Taiping because Pengkalan Baru was a mere 45 minutes drive away and my father commuted.

He was a voracious reader and was seldom without a book in his hand when at home. Sometimes he would be into two books at a time. I used to read a lot then and obviously picked up the habit from him.

One of the perks being a headmaster's son or for that matter, being a headmaster was that there was a school library budget. So every few months or so we would go to the Anthonian Bookstore in Ipoh to select books for the school library. We would select the books WE wanted and would read them before they were sent to the school library. Inevitably, Sekolah Dato' Idris, Pengkalan Baru, Dindings, Perak eventually had the best library that side of Dindings District!

I remember two books (selected by my father, ironically) in 1976 and 1977 that made deep impressions on me. One was "Life After Life" by Dr Raymond Moody (LAL) and "Your Erroneous Zones" by Dr Wayne Dyer (YEZ). The first book was an odd choice for an avowed atheist that my father was but the second one was probably a subtle lesson (speaks volumes about his brand of subtility!) he wanted me to learn. I was in Lower Six in 1977 and very restless about life in general.

YEZ is about living life on your own terms; including the pitfalls of self-justification and the avoidance of approval seeking mentality that society (including religions and pop culture) wants you to conform to.

LAL is about near-death-experience (NDE) and people who had been declared clinically dead but somehow return to the realm of the living to tell the tale of "life after life". It was based on Dr Moody's extensive interviews and research on such cases.

Imagine, one book telling me about how to live a life and another postulating that life may only start in earnest with death! Perhaps the few people who know me well today, can now understand me even better if they too were to read those two books!

I consider 1976 to 1979 my transitional years; from teenager to adulthood even before I was 21 in 1980 and those two books shaped much of my thinking even till today.

Retrospection: Personal Encounters With Death (1); 04/04/81. A Parent's Consternation.

Recently, I chanced upon an episode of the TV series "Judging Amy" while surfing the channels on Astro. There was a sub-story about a boy who had been hit by a car and doctors were trying to save his life as he had massive internal bleeding. His vital signs were diminishing and was given only 30% chance of pulling through. What struck me about the story was not the boy but seeing what his father was going through at the hospital.

A sense of regret came over me as I remembered my own experience as a motor accident victim, and that I had never really wondered what my own father actually went through. As far as that accident was concerned, I had always been consumed by "what" happened to "ME"; "I" suffered; "I" almost died; I thought it was ONLY about ME!

Slightly more than 26 years ago on the 4th of April, 1981, while on the way back to Taiping for Ching Beng I was involved in a horrific car accident that claimed 3 lives. The accident was near Bukit Gantang where last week, that bus accident which claimed 20 lives occurred.

There were 3 of us in a Ford Escort Ghia driven by my brother-in-law, Eric with my sister, Grace seated in front. I was at the back and happened to be lying down when the collision occurred. The fact that I was lying down on the back seat probably saved my life; otherwise my neck would have been broken. I was asleep when the collision occurred and woke up on damp grass and to the voices of people checking out the wreckage. It was obvious there were fatalities from what they were saying but apart from knowing I was alive there was no inkling of what happened to Grace and Eric.

The previous day had me and my friend Kok Seng Teck riding around KL in the rain on his motorbike; that accounted for me being tired. Seng Teck, from Ipoh was supposed to accompany us back up to his home town. We had dropped him off after supper and continued our journey to Taiping after midnight. There was no North-South Highway back then.

As we passed Padang Rengas on a straight road, a car overtaking at the blind corner ahead rammed head-on into us. I later found out there were 5 people in the Mazda 808 and 3 of them were killed.

Grace was 6 months pregnant at the time, and the seat belt which saved her life unfortunately fractured her clavicle and probably also caused her to miscarry. Eric sustained leg injuries and he limps slightly till this day. My injuries that caused me to be hospitalized for more than 2 months, were the worst. Apart from a broken right clavicle, I had internal bleeding due to a badly larcerated right kidney and went into shock. My blood pressure was plummeting and pulse hardly perceptible. I remember flitting in and out of consciousness and that my mother was already at the Kuala Kangsar hospital (the first hospital I was taken to); I remember pissing blood into a urinal. I remember the dull internal pain and breathing becoming increasingly difficult.

At Kuala Kangsar hospital I remember seeing Grace on a hospital trolley next to me and was conscious. She was crying and looking for Eric and I remember I lied to her that he was okay eventhough I had no idea how Eric was at the time.

I would have died if not for a series of fortuitous incidences that followed the accident and my father's intervention. In fact, this retrospection is not about me; it is about my parents. The accident had occurred at about 1.30 am and the first fortuitous thing was that Eric was conscious throughout. The second thing was that a good samaritan had stopped to offer help. He managed to get information from Eric as to who to contact and that saved my life!

Till today, we do not know who the guy is but he phoned my parents and they rushed to Kuala Kangsar after picking up our stuff from the guy at Simpang. I can now imagine the consternation that my parents were experiencing as they drove pass the wreckage towards Kuala Kangsar.

My father was a "take charge" kind of a guy and the fourth fortuitous thing was that he was there early. When he saw my condition, his first reaction was to ask for the doctor. When he found that there was none around but a hospital assistant, he made such a fuss that they had to summon a doctor from somewhere. My father insisted an ambulance be made available immediately to send us to Ipoh General Hospital and the doctor never had much choice in the matter as my father threatened him with all sorts of pernicious things that could go wrong with his career. That saved my life and my right kidney!

From Kuala Kangsar, my father phoned his friend Mr Levins who was also the Chief Surgeon of Perak and Levins and his team were waiting for us when we arrived at Ipoh GH. Levins immediately got me into emergency surgery and I was told later that I would have died if I had stay any longer at Kuala Kangsar. I cannot imagine the emotional pain my father was going through at the time but the example he set by being so collected under pressure is one of the most important lessons he taught me. His own emotions must have been in turmoil yet he managed to "pull all stops" for us and made the right decisions.

I remember clearly being conscious just before the surgery and the cold metal trolley they put me on. I remember thinking just before they knocked me out that I was ready not to wake up again; I was prepared for death! I remember being very calm but I also remember fighting to breathe!

Mr Levins later recounted that when he opened me up he found I was bleeding profusely from a badly banged up right kidney. The bleeding had filled my abdominal cavity and that I was not only slowly bleeding to death, but also suffocating to death. The movement of my diaphragm was getting increasingly limited.

The rest of his team wanted to remove my kidney but since Levins knew me, he resisted and told them he was willing to go in again if the bleeding did not stop. He also considered that I was still too young to lose a kidney which he felt could be avoided and that I was very fit at the time. I was still actively playing rugby during that period. After cauterizing whatever larcerations he could and cleaning up the blood, he closed me up. That was when the waiting started as the bleeding continued.

It was my father again that came to my salvation as he got his friends in Ipoh to troop in personnel from the police field force brigade stationed at Ipoh to donate blood. After 3 days and 17 pints of blood transfusion the bleeding stopped.

I was to remain in hospital for more that 2 months with painful penicillin jabs twice daily as infection would have caused real problems. It was again my parents that made my stay at the 2nd/3rd class ward bearable as I never had to endure government hospital food when I recovered enough to eat. My meals were catered from a nearby coffeehouse. It would have cost my father money that he could not afford.

As I think back, I feel a sense of remorse that I took my parents for granted during that episode. What they went through was equally if not more traumatic; for me, I could have been just snuffed out and that would have been the end.

My father's performance under severe pressure remains a great lesson for me and that lesson has seen me through many upheavals in my own life ever since.

Conceptual Framework?

My dear friend, Colonel MNT always reminds me of the importance of having our own clear conceptual framework before involving in any serious discourse especially on matters nebulous and ambigious; examples being psychiatry, spirituality and religion. Otherwise "it can get acrimonious and full of verbal embuggerances."

To paraphrase Colonel MNT from one of his inspired postings:

"We have to exercise extraordinary caution, if I may say, in posting on religiosity or spirituality on our network. Personally, I don’t have any hard feeling on the subject because I am a secular humanist who believes that all religions are sick men’s dreams, false – demonstrably false – and pernicious.

To a lot of believers, religion is a compelling primordial sentiment – it stems from the “givens”. It’s self-standing. The others are language, race - a biological concept but in reality its colour of skin, blood ties, region and culture.

If we discuss religion without declaring our conceptual framework, it can get acrimonious and full of verbal embuggrances. The bottom of the network will fall off.

In our conceptual construct, we need to frame what is logos – rational thinking – and mythos – myth, mythology and superstition that embellish a religion to make it viable to those who need it. Are our thoughts from the contexts of the “revealed scriptures” or from philosophies for instance, Buddhism? Can the belief system of God be debated? If there is no God, are we likely to invent Her or Him? Is the monotheistic God rational? In essence, what is your belief system?

At the moment we are facing the dread and mayhem of those who believe without second thought with instantaneous obedience to the twisted precepts of dogmas allegedly from God. This is a strange phenomenon – HE must be a cosmic Saddam Hussein!! The most incredible rationale is to murder yourself so that you will be accepted to a cosmic bordello. Their astral journey to the erotic paradise full of salacious houris creates primordial sentimental conflicts.

If we, like robots obey every single edict of the sacred texts, the world would be full of Christians who love their enemies and turn the other cheek when attacked. When a shithead of whatever religion has decided to do something harmful and murderous, he can find scriptural texts that seem to endorse his bloody action. It’s easier to hoist into his nut a lot of bullshit by an alleged religious teacher if the goon is mentally weak, a marginal man or a deviant.

Pardon me, this network is better off to indulge in the flotsam and jetsam of school nostalgia. It is more hilarious to read that Ms Mary Nallakutty who taught English in Form 2 had thin hairy legs and you cannot balance your tooth-brush on her projection where female’s milk is secreted.

Let’s have love, virtue and compassion and the rest of the wonders of life will cum."

What then is a conceptual framework? Taken separately, the two words seem simple enough. The following is as good as any (though a bit elaborate) that I have been able to trawl from the Net:

What is a conceptual framework?

There are many ways to explain a conceptual framework. It can be any or all of the following:

- A set of coherent ideas or concepts organized in a manner that makes them easy to communicate to others.
- An organized way of thinking about how and why a project takes place,and about how we understand its activities.
- The basis for thinking about what we do and about what it means, influenced by the ideas and research of others.
- An overview of ideas and practices that shape the way work is done in a project.
- A set of assumptions, values, and definitions under which we all work together.

Why do we need a framework when doing research?

A framework can help us to explain why we are doing a project in a particular way. It can also help us to understand and use the ideas of others who have done similar things.

We can use a framework like a travel map. We can read a map, because others before us have come up with common symbols to mark streets, lakes, highways, cities, mountains, rivers, etc...The scale on a map tells us how far apart different places are, so we will get an idea how long it might take us to get from one point to the next. A map also shows us that there may be many different paths that can be taken to get to the same place.

A framework can help us decide and explain the route we are taking: why would we use certain methods and not others to get to a certain point. People might have tried a similar path before and have had different experiences using one road versus another. Or, there may be paths that have never been explored. With a conceptual framework, we can explain why we would try this or that path, based on the experiences of others, and on what we ourselves would like to explore or discover.