My Dear Son,
Tomorrow is your 17th birthday. As you pass this milestone in your life and are yet another year closer to Manhood, be proud that you have been “man” enough to express your inner feelings the way you did in your blog.
Reading it, I am mindful that your intention of writing it was to help you rationalize your internal and external environment as you navigate through this awkward phase in a boy’s life. Believe you me, I too have been there!
We all know we are only human, yet it takes true courage to admit openly (as you have done) we are fallible. That is an important aspect of growth; you then go about improving yourself and trying to avoid repeating the same follies in life.
I am glad you have experienced that life is indeed not always a bed of roses; it cannot be. I can see you are wrestling with your thoughts and feel frustrated at times when things are not the way you prefer them to be. In the final analysis son, thoughts are all we have; thoughts are all we own; thoughts are all we can control. Thoughts are all we need!
You wrote, “Darkness may reign over me and may embrace the world in gray”. Let me share with you a sad reality that I learnt the hard way; the world exists in gray. There are very few things that are clear cut; good and bad are relative, right and wrong depends on which side you are on. Let me explain.
Someone once said, "Each of us are the sum total of all the decisions we have made to date". Well, decisions are the product of conscious or subconscious thought. As sentient beings, humans inherently have a strong self-preservation mechanism. This is in-built in our psyche. “Peace of mind” is part of self-preservation and in order to achieve this "equilibrium", as humans we need to be able to “reconcile ourselves with ourselves” so to speak. We do that by justifying things to ourselves and we do all that by making decisions in our thoughts! This relates back to what I said earlier about “thoughts”.
Son, because of the above, it is most pertinent to keep in mind that the biggest word in the human dictionary may well be: "JUSTIFICATION”! We can always justify to ourselves ALL our own thoughts, and resultant decisions and actions, regardless of whether the outcomes of those decisions/actions are good or bad. That in itself is very dangerous because it can lead to disaster.
Fortunately, there are two beacons that we can use to guide us. One is KNOWLEDGE and the other is that little voice that always accompanies our conscious mind called, CONSCIENCE.
Son, try to gain as much knowledge and always have a “heart”. These are my words to you on your 17th birthday.
Happy Birthday son; be assured that I always have your best interest at heart.