Friday, 30 July 2010

Champagne Headaches and Hangovers (Part II)

Marina Mahathir and Big Mama Ros appear not to be great friends. In her latest blogpost (below) she takes a swipe at Jho "Chubs" Lo who is rumored to be in with the closest of Najib's circle. The Star newspaper yesterday had apparently "scooped" on Jho Lo. It must be the most comprehensive advertorial since Big Mama Ros' "First Lady" spread in the New York Times! Check these out: 
Then read Marina Mahathir's take:

Life's Lessons from Lho

I'm sure The Star sold out every single copy of their paper today because of their front page story featuring International Mystery Man Jho Lo. Now we know we don't need scantily clad girls to sell newspapers, some rich chubby fellow will do!

Jho 'Chubs' Lo

But reading Jho's interview is instructive nevertheless. There's a lot to learn from him. So here are a few lessons from the 28 years of Jho Lo's existence:

1. Always go to the best schools eg Harrow, Wharton. So all you people who have to go to all those decrepit sekolah kebangsaans where you only speak BM or Mandarin or Tamil, too bad.

2. When at school, pick your friends carefully. Make sure they are scions of the rich and famous. Forget about the scholarship kids.

3. Stay close to your friends and always make them feel good about themselves. This way, they are sure to trust you. Trust is very important.

4. Make sure you know how to do anything for your friends. Book tables at fancy restaurants and clubs, throw wild parties, order champagne, procure friends who are also rich and famous.

5. Bunk in with friends who can pay USD100,000 for a New York apartment. Never mind if you have to sleep on the couch, the address matters!! (12 people in a 5000-square feet apartment...they all slept in bunks or what?)

6. Be so busy arranging things for your friends that you only have time to eat supersized American meals. But who cares if you're chubby if your wallet seems to be too!

7. Tell everyone how you made your first million at 20 and are now making billions for other people. How exactly, you don't have to say. But it's enough to make more people want to throw more money at you. (Never mind that the finance industry is the most derided right now because of the numbers of people it has impoverished. Not the New York party boys of course!)

8. Get a tame local newspaper to do a free four-page ad for you and make sure they ask you only the questions you want them to ask. Don't let them ask you the questions just about everybody wants to know, like how DO you organise these parties?

9. Insist you're a Malaysian through and through but make no mention of any Malaysian friends. Guess partying in KL or Penang ain't quite the same...

There you go, boys and girls, how to succeed in life the Jho Lo way!!

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