I oppose an Islamic State - Satire by Raja Petra Kamarudin

Raja Petra Kamarudin

Islam forbids oppression and favoritism. Therefore the New Economic Policy would have to be abolished and a meritocracy system would have to be introduced to replace it. The Federal Constitution of Malaysia would also have to be amended to remove the rights and special privileges of the Malays.

“Let me show you something,” I told my wife who I have been with for 40 years now.

We were in Kota Bharu in Kelantan to cover the Islamic Party of Malaysia's national convention. I admit, surrounded by the long-robbed and 'properly-covered' PAS women, my wife looked like a fish out of water. But they did not seem to mind that amongst their midst was this uncovered woman in tight jeans and even tighter T-shirt that revealed more than what Muslim women are supposed to reveal.

The normal convention would be for the women to sit on one side of the hall and the men on the other, the proper segregation of the sexes in true Muslim fashion. But my wife chose to sit beside me in the men's section and we sat close to the exit so that she could pop out into the corridor every hour or so to recharge her nicotine level. Yes, an uncovered woman in tight jeans and T-shirts and puffing away on top of that would not be considered the normal setting in a PAS gathering, and sitting in the men's section as well to complete the unorthodox scene. But this did not appear to have ruffled any feathers or triggered any murmurings from amongst the 1,500 or so PAS delegates from all over Malaysia.

I swung into a back alley and slowed down as we neared about a dozen or so young girls and boys loitering in the dark shadows. Some were probably mere teenagers but they all had one thing in common, they all had good looks.

“Look at those boys and girls,” I told my wife.

“What are they waiting for?” my wife asked, half-suspecting she already knew the answer.

“Customers of course.”

“Sure, I can understand the girls are waiting for customers. But what about the boys?”

“Also for customers?”

“Men customers?” she asked with a 'don't tell me they're waiting for women customers' look on her face.

“They waiting for women, of course. What, you mean you women can't also buy sex off the streets?”

“I know we can, but maybe in KL, this is Kota Bharu.”

“Hey, Kota Bharu women also need sex.”

I stopped the car and signalled to one extremely good-looking young man to come forward.

“Hey, what you doing?” My wife was taken aback and did not know if I was just teasing or whether this was for real.

“Don't worry. I just want to demonstrate something to you.”

As the delicious-looking young thing came closer I lowered the window and he popped his head into the car and greeted us with a sweet “Hai Pak Cik, Mak Cik.”

“Hey, you panggil kami Pak Cik, Mak Cik, tak mahu berkawanlah. Panggillah Abang dan Kakak.”

“Oh, sorrylah, Abang, Kakak. Jangan marah ia?”

“Tak marah. Bergurau je.”

“You looking for a man?” the hunk of a young guy asked.

“Well, sort of.”

“For you or for Kakak?”

“Which one you prefer?”

“Both also okay. Abang pun boleh, Kakak pun boleh.”

“Kalau dua-dua sekali?” I asked, as my wife thumped me on my chest, appalled that this may be going further than she would like it to.

“Dua-dua sekali maksud apa?”

“Dua-dua sekali, threesome.”

“Threesome also can. Lagi enjoy.”

“You biasa buat threesome dulu? Tak nervous?”

“Biasa. No problem.”

“Threesome you biasa buat macam mana? Husband tengok ke wife tengok ke tiga-tiga sekali?”

“Semua dah try.”

“Tapi yang mana you prefer?”

“I suka tiga-tiga sekali. I kat tengah......So, Abang dan Kaka nak tak? I guarantee puas.”

“Okay, bagi kita check-in hotel dulu. I datang balek setengah jam lagi.”

“Alright....datang balek okay? Jangan tak datang.”

My wife could not hold back her laughter as we drove off. “You really teruklah. Wow, Kota Bharu also has all this.”

“Of course, you can even get this in Saudi Arabia so what is Kota Bharu?”

PAS has been ruling the 'Islamic' state of Kelantan for 18 years and, in spite of the loud Islamic State rhetoric, you can still decide whether to live the life of a pious Muslim or instead indulge in a 'western' lifestyle of sex games. And of course if bakuteh and beer are your thing you can never be short of those as well.

I am not trying to say that PAS' Islamic State proposal is pure rhetorical bullshit. I am not even trying to say that an Islamic State is 'safe' and poses no danger to anyone who would rather live the life of a devil's disciple. What I am emphasising here is that Islam has to rise above mere rhetoric. Shouting about Islam will not bring about changes. Legislation and the creation of an Islamic State would also not bring about changes. Changes can only be brought about through education and by the will of the people to live the life of a true Muslim. That, and only that, will bring about changes. And we do not need an Islamic State for that. If the people refuse to change, no Islamic State can change them. Furthermore, screaming about an Islamic State would just alienate and antagonise non-Muslims, who as it is already fear Islam and would run scared from anyone who rants and raves about Islam

DAP is one example of a serious infliction of Islamphobia. The DAP people are so scared of Islam and scared shit that the non-Muslim Chinese will punish them come the next general election if they form a coalition government in Perak with a PAS man as the Menteri Besar. Can we really blame DAP when they have suffered such punishment in the past and the very thought of this episode being repeated sends shivers down their spine?

It is easy to accuse DAP of being anti-Islam but if we were in DAP's shoes we would certainly not act any differently. This is, after all, a matter of political survival, and if it is politically expedient to oppose Islam, then this is what must be done just to stay relevant to the non-Muslim Chinese and to continue getting their support. If DAP is seen as 'selling out', this would be the beginning of the end for DAP. Nevertheless, while we can appreciate what motivates DAP -- and while we may have no quarrel with their reasons for flying off the handle at the prospect of forming a government with PAS and then having PAS as the Menteri Besar on top of that -- it is their methods that we find fault with.

Making public statements to the government-controlled media who would just exploit the issue and present the opposition in a negative light is just not on. Have you noticed that the Barisan Nasional states of Perlis and Terengganu are also facing problems? Perlis and Terengganu too can't form governments and there is a serious deadlock as to who should be the new Menteris Besar. But the media does not play up the issue of Perlis and Terengganu. They do, however, play up Perak and Selangor which are actually lesser problems than Perlis and Terengganu.

Let me say this again and let me say it loud and clear. READ MY LIPS, PAS. WE DO NOT NEED AN ISLAMIC STATE. WE NEED MUSLIMS WHO ARE NOT HYPOCRITES. And that is why I oppose the creation of an Islamic State. An Islamic State would give an impression that everything is honky-dory whereas in actual fact it is not. An Islamic State would give an impression that we are all good Muslims whereas we would be nothing but a bunch of hypocrites. Better we have no Islamic State than we are reduced to a bunch of munafiks living in an Islamic State.

Let me tell you why every Malay in Malaysia should also oppose an Islamic State. And these are just three of the reasons amongst many.

Islam forbids oppression and favouritism. Therefore the New Economic Policy would have to be abolished and a meritocracy system would have to be introduced to replace it. The Federal Constitution of Malaysia would also have to be amended to remove the rights and special privileges of the Malays. Every rakyat would be treated as equal to one another and Malays would no longer be the Lords or Tuan of this country and Ketuanan Melayu would therefore no longer exist. This would also mean the quota system, special discounts for Malays, and much more, would all immediately cease to exist. An Islamic State would give the non-Malays an advantage over the Malays and the Malays would be left far, far behind, economically as well as academically.

Side-incomes would be drastically reduced or eliminated altogether. The basic salary for 95% of the Malays is very low compared to the non-Malays. This is because most Malays go into government service or join the police, army, navy, air force, customs department, etc., where the salaries are very low, whereas most non-Malays are either professionals, go into the corporate world, or run their own business. The non-Malay take-home pay, therefore, is quite substantial while Malays have to resort to commissions and kickbacks to supplement their meagre income. Under an Islamic State, corruption would be severely dealt with -- though not as bad as China which shoots their corrupted civil servants in the head -- so all forms of corruption would have to come to an end.

Without these commissions and kickbacks, Malays would become very poor. Corruption, rather than the New Economic Policy, helps the Malays keep up economically with the non-Malays. The New Economic Policy is therefore a convenient camouflage to legalise corruption because what, under normal circumstances, would be considered a criminal act becomes perfectly legal if done under the ambit of the New Economic Policy.

Malays would suffer more than non-Malays. In time, Malays would face severe handicaps when a high percentage of the Malay population has to learn how to survive without the advantage of hands. It would be very difficult for the Malays, who as it is can no longer receive a university education -- because of the removal of quotas as required under an Islamic State -- to compete with the non-Malays who still have two good hands. Considering that more than 95% of those who work for the various government agencies are Malays and all the government departments are corrupt, it would be the Malays rather than the non-Malays who suffer severed limbs. This problem would be further compounded during the Umno general assemblies when kerises can no longer be raised because no one in the assembly has any hands left with which to hold the kerises.

Just these reasons alone are enough to justify Malays opposing to the death the setting up of an Islamic State in Malaysia. And if the non-Malays suddenly realise the advantage of an Islamic State and start pushing for one, the Malays should resist this call by the non-Malays for the setting up of an Islamic State which would clearly give the non-Malays an unfair advantage over the Malays.

To make matters worse, once an Islamic State is set up and many, many years later the Malays discover that they have been left behind because of the Islamic State, there would be very little the Malays can do since starting another May 13 would be impossible without hands to brandish parangs.